The Self-Led Peace Method Helps Co-Parents Without Others' Buy-In
News related to:The Center for Family Resolution · 3 min read
The Center for Family Resolution, a conflict coaching and co-parenting practice founded in 2011 by conflict coach Amy Armstrong, LISW-S, has introduced the Self-Led Peace Method, a new approach to resolving conflicts that does not rely on the other party's cooperation. The method, which is designed to help co-parents and professionals find peace without the other side's buy-in, has been gaining traction in the field of family law and conflict resolution.
The Center for Family Resolution's founder, Amy Armstrong, has been working with parents for 30 years and has built a practice that has helped hundreds of families previously trapped in court for years. Her coaching follows International Coaching Federation competencies and her practice has appeared in The New York Times and on CBS, ABC, NBC, and Fox News. Armstrong has also served on court reform committees for the Supreme Court of Ohio.
The Self-Led Peace Method, which Armstrong has developed, is based on three core moves that can be run in the middle of a tense exchange. The first move is to name the need instead of the offense. This involves going straight to what the other person needs, rather than making it personal. Armstrong anchors this need in a personal value, such as her primary value of equality. For example, when a neighbor offers a new parking spot instead of fighting over a blocked driveway, Armstrong noted that the neighbor never made it personal and went straight to what the neighbor needed.
The second move is to let the feeling pass before acting on it. Armstrong emphasizes that feelings are not facts, but rather information about what is happening in the moment. She suggests that clients take two, six, or at most 10 seconds to breathe, notice the feeling, and let it move through. For instance, when a plan to have her grandson over for a swim fell through because the grandson didn’t want to come, Armstrong gave herself time to notice the thought that he no longer wanted time with his grandmother and responded, "Of course. I hope you have a good day."
The third move is to state what a person is willing and able to do, kindly, and then stop there.
Armstrong has observed that many people respond to the question of how to get the other person to cooperate by researching harder and rehearsing conversations. However, she argues that true peace comes from knowing that one is being true to oneself. Armstrong believes that agreement built on someone accommodating at their own expense is artificial and does not last. Instead, she advocates for a more authentic approach to conflict resolution.
The Self-Led Peace Method has been profiled in Brainz Magazine and Armstrong's forthcoming book, Boundary Basics: Practical Steps to Resolve Conflict, puts the boundary work behind the method into book form. Clients learn to resolve high-conflict co-parenting and workplace disputes without depending on the other side to change, and the method has been used to help hundreds of families previously trapped in court for years.
The Center for Family Resolution offers group coaching, co-parent coaching, parenting coordination, mediation, and training for judges and other professionals, with a focus on setting boundaries without a fight. Clients learn to resolve disputes without depending on the other side to change, and the method has been used to help hundreds of families previously trapped in court for years.